In my first year of teaching I had a meeting with my mentor who asked me what activities I'd done for the various kinds of learners in my classroom. I knew very well that I'd done more talking activities than anything else, and admitted as much, but had a list of other things I'd done as well, and was feeling pretty proud of myself until she said "what about the musical learners?" I reluctantly agreed to make this a target, and planned a lesson on Political Parties where kids would have to research a party and put their policies into song. I did not expect this to go down well. It went down fantastically.
Since then I've whipped out the old musical lesson every now and then, and while of course some kids hate it, most love it. I thought I'd share my favourite two with you.
PSHE Lesson Objective: to recognise the symptoms of the most common sexually transmitted diseases.
You go into the club
But you've got pubic lice!
You're itching and a-scratching,
it really aint nice!
The girls aint going to want you
when there's bugs crawling in your junk
Get ready for a life of single
might as well just become a monk!
Citizenship Lesson Objective: to consider the impact of the use of landfills on the environment, and explain how the UN's Rio Earth Summit addressed this concern.
(this one should be done to the tune (is it a tune? to the beat?) of the second verse of the Fresh Prince of Belair)
In South East London, born and raised,
In (school's name) was where I spent most of my days.
Learning bout the world, Miss Jones is so cool,
Doing Citizenship inside of the school.
I heard a couple of countries were up to no good,
Starting dumping rubbish in their neighbourhood!
Now there's global warming, and the world got scared
And all because we weren't prepared.
I whistled for the UN and when they got near
They designed LA21 and we all lost our fear!
Death to Morality
I was observing a lesson on what makes us human, and enjoyed the following gems during a lovely philosophical discussion on the difference between humans and animals.
Trainee Teacher: what do I mean by morality?
year 7 child: Is it like, like the opposite of immorality?
Trainee Teacher: Yes! absolutely! And what's that?
year 7 child: well, it's like, immorality means you can't die, so I guess morality is when you die?
and...
Little Somalian Child: "Nah, nah, humans and animals both travel the world, not just humans. Like in Kenya and Tanzania, when the wildebeast travel, they go to Kenya in the summer, and then back to Tanzania in the winter, and I used to watch it every new years, on BBC1"
Trainee Teacher: what do I mean by morality?
year 7 child: Is it like, like the opposite of immorality?
Trainee Teacher: Yes! absolutely! And what's that?
year 7 child: well, it's like, immorality means you can't die, so I guess morality is when you die?
and...
Little Somalian Child: "Nah, nah, humans and animals both travel the world, not just humans. Like in Kenya and Tanzania, when the wildebeast travel, they go to Kenya in the summer, and then back to Tanzania in the winter, and I used to watch it every new years, on BBC1"
Michael Gove and the Evaporating Africans
are
1) Gove spells out education priorities for 'a new era' (these include free schools and more academies
2) An academy in Stockport has become the third school sponsored by the United Learning Trust (ULT) to be judged as "inadequate" in less than a year.
Now, to many this will just be evidence of the liberal conspiracy that is the British Broadcasting Corporation. And I know that one example does not an argument make. But I do think it's worth pointing out that this is the second major news story in the past month focusing on the type of school Gove wants more of, and neither is positive.
But anyway - here's a wee treat for those of you who only come for the school-based-lolz:
Question: what can UK citizens do to help former child soldiers in Uganda?
Answer: we could evaporate all the africans, so that they can be safe with there families.
(evaporate - evacuate; there - their)
(PS - who thinks Michael Gove and the Evaporating Africans is just the best title for a children's book ever? plotlines on a postcard please, we can use the profits to open Miss Jones' Citizenship School for gifted and talented Crazies)
1) Gove spells out education priorities for 'a new era' (these include free schools and more academies
2) An academy in Stockport has become the third school sponsored by the United Learning Trust (ULT) to be judged as "inadequate" in less than a year.
Now, to many this will just be evidence of the liberal conspiracy that is the British Broadcasting Corporation. And I know that one example does not an argument make. But I do think it's worth pointing out that this is the second major news story in the past month focusing on the type of school Gove wants more of, and neither is positive.
But anyway - here's a wee treat for those of you who only come for the school-based-lolz:
Question: what can UK citizens do to help former child soldiers in Uganda?
Answer: we could evaporate all the africans, so that they can be safe with there families.
(evaporate - evacuate; there - their)
(PS - who thinks Michael Gove and the Evaporating Africans is just the best title for a children's book ever? plotlines on a postcard please, we can use the profits to open Miss Jones' Citizenship School for gifted and talented Crazies)
Dave Dopes up Downy Street!
I set my year 7s the challenge of writing a report on the election. This was the headline on the winning article. (The prize? A congratulations postcard to their mum. I love year 7s.)
The other part of this kid's work that made me smile:
Page 9: N-Dubz Disaster!
Page 12: Your horoscopes! (not to be trusted for legal reasons we are not actually magical)
Page 36: Gordon Brown's new job: Our Agony Uncle!
I think this child has a good understanding of the priorities of the British press.
The other part of this kid's work that made me smile:
Page 9: N-Dubz Disaster!
Page 12: Your horoscopes! (not to be trusted for legal reasons we are not actually magical)
Page 36: Gordon Brown's new job: Our Agony Uncle!
I think this child has a good understanding of the priorities of the British press.
An unusually political (but appropriately timed) post
Kids have been asking me all this week who I'm voting for. I've been happy to tell them. If I'm lucky enough to have politically engaged students, I'm going to do my best to keep it that way. Engaging in sensible discussions with reasonable adults about our political leaders has to be one of the best ways to get them to become sensible, reasonable voters in four years time.
I suppose I'm lucky. I lead a strong team of motivated staff, who are genuinely interested in political education. I've been able to run a mock election. I've been able to force my department to teach at least one good lesson on the main political parties in the last few weeks, so every kid in the school knows the basics: the leaders, the slogans, and a couple of current policies. I know my GCSE classes have had considerably more than this: they understand the histories of the main parties, and the ideologies that they've built their support on. Essentially, I know that when I tell my kids who I'm voting for, they know there are a range of options, and they have the information to decide for themselves whether or not they agree with me.
And I think this much is the responsibility of any good Citizenship department, or in truth any good school. The national curriculum has three main aims for kids: that they become successful learners, confident and happy individuals, and responsible citizens who make a positive contribution to society. What more could you want for your child? And a huge part of that last aim is understanding how we are governed, and having the information to make an informed choice about who does that.
So when I saw a story in the TES asking "should schools hold mock elections?" I was pretty surprised. Does anyone seriously think the answer is no? On closer inspection, maybe not. The only harm identified by the guy arguing against the idea is the somewhat nebulous accusation that mock elections only serve to reinforce party tribalism. Look at the way we've all got our knickers in a twist about the evils of a hung parliament. This man's alternative, of 645 independent MPs slogging it out for consensus, doesn't bare thinking about.
Anyway - so when the kids ask me who I'm voting for I tell them I've been a Labour supporter since I can remember, but this time around I'm voting Lib Dem. (I've been saying this since before the TV debates, prompting exasperated cries of "Miss, Miss - how did you know about him before the rest of us!!")
The kids response has been identicall all week long: "all the teachers are voting Lib Dem, why is it?"
This got me thinking.
Why are all the teachers voting Lib Dem
(results according to highly accurate polling data carried out by Miss' year 10s):
Nick Clegg has apparently said that "Teachers are turning to the Liberal Democrats because only we offer the right combination of freedom and resources to make Britain’s schools the best in the world".
Well of course he's going to say that. But it seems that David Laws does seem to understand why teachers are finding life increasingly crap. He talks about being rated satisfactory by Ofsted in a way that makes me think he's actually been through it (worst. thing. ever.) He backs a reduction in standardised testing, like SATs, and an increase in teacher assessment for fomative purposes. He wants a smaller curriculum, but with a basic entitlement (unlike the Tories, who seem to think any old crazy should be able to teach whatever they like, with state money and no local authority control. Awesome plan, Dave, just awesome. More on this madness later.)
But David Laws properly won my heart when he spoke about how schools are becoming exam factories, targetting only the D/C borderline kids. I feel terrible when I have to tell my department to focus on the 23 kids out of a year group of 260 who are predicted a C, and it breaks my heart when I have to tell kids there isn't enough space in the enrichment session for them to come and get their coursework from a B to an A*, because all the computers are being used by D grade kids being forced to get their work up to a C. I have to admit that I don't know what policy there is in this, but I love him for it regardless.
Why Cameron and Gove can bite me
I can see the appeal of free schools. "Ooh - I can select which kids I take? Excellent, you lot - you poor readers, you socially disadvantaged, you mentalists, you can get lost. Go to the other local school (which now has even less funding, because I've been syphoning it off for my lovelies). Now watch my results sky rocket! Woohoo for me!"
But on the other hand:
(Apologies for the length of this, and the lack of hilarious high jinks. Normal service will resume shortly - we'll have end of term tests soon, which always produce some real clangers.)
I suppose I'm lucky. I lead a strong team of motivated staff, who are genuinely interested in political education. I've been able to run a mock election. I've been able to force my department to teach at least one good lesson on the main political parties in the last few weeks, so every kid in the school knows the basics: the leaders, the slogans, and a couple of current policies. I know my GCSE classes have had considerably more than this: they understand the histories of the main parties, and the ideologies that they've built their support on. Essentially, I know that when I tell my kids who I'm voting for, they know there are a range of options, and they have the information to decide for themselves whether or not they agree with me.
And I think this much is the responsibility of any good Citizenship department, or in truth any good school. The national curriculum has three main aims for kids: that they become successful learners, confident and happy individuals, and responsible citizens who make a positive contribution to society. What more could you want for your child? And a huge part of that last aim is understanding how we are governed, and having the information to make an informed choice about who does that.
So when I saw a story in the TES asking "should schools hold mock elections?" I was pretty surprised. Does anyone seriously think the answer is no? On closer inspection, maybe not. The only harm identified by the guy arguing against the idea is the somewhat nebulous accusation that mock elections only serve to reinforce party tribalism. Look at the way we've all got our knickers in a twist about the evils of a hung parliament. This man's alternative, of 645 independent MPs slogging it out for consensus, doesn't bare thinking about.
Anyway - so when the kids ask me who I'm voting for I tell them I've been a Labour supporter since I can remember, but this time around I'm voting Lib Dem. (I've been saying this since before the TV debates, prompting exasperated cries of "Miss, Miss - how did you know about him before the rest of us!!")
The kids response has been identicall all week long: "all the teachers are voting Lib Dem, why is it?"
This got me thinking.
Why are all the teachers voting Lib Dem
(results according to highly accurate polling data carried out by Miss' year 10s):
Nick Clegg has apparently said that "Teachers are turning to the Liberal Democrats because only we offer the right combination of freedom and resources to make Britain’s schools the best in the world".
Well of course he's going to say that. But it seems that David Laws does seem to understand why teachers are finding life increasingly crap. He talks about being rated satisfactory by Ofsted in a way that makes me think he's actually been through it (worst. thing. ever.) He backs a reduction in standardised testing, like SATs, and an increase in teacher assessment for fomative purposes. He wants a smaller curriculum, but with a basic entitlement (unlike the Tories, who seem to think any old crazy should be able to teach whatever they like, with state money and no local authority control. Awesome plan, Dave, just awesome. More on this madness later.)
But David Laws properly won my heart when he spoke about how schools are becoming exam factories, targetting only the D/C borderline kids. I feel terrible when I have to tell my department to focus on the 23 kids out of a year group of 260 who are predicted a C, and it breaks my heart when I have to tell kids there isn't enough space in the enrichment session for them to come and get their coursework from a B to an A*, because all the computers are being used by D grade kids being forced to get their work up to a C. I have to admit that I don't know what policy there is in this, but I love him for it regardless.
Why Cameron and Gove can bite me
I can see the appeal of free schools. "Ooh - I can select which kids I take? Excellent, you lot - you poor readers, you socially disadvantaged, you mentalists, you can get lost. Go to the other local school (which now has even less funding, because I've been syphoning it off for my lovelies). Now watch my results sky rocket! Woohoo for me!"
But on the other hand:
- They aren't free. And the funding has yet to be found (unlike David Laws' plans, which were commended by the IFS)
- Nearly half of Swedish local education directors don't think free schools have produced "more effective use of resources" and 90% identified "significant increases in costs"
- Empowering local parents is all well and good. That is, when your local parents are nice, supportive, well educated themselves... essentially when they are the nice middle class parents that the Tories have experience of. Most of the parents of my kids can't be bothered to come to parents evening - you think they're going to open their own school if mine is failing? And anyway - Gove has admitted that although they won't be owned by private companies, they will be subcontracted out to all kinds of profiteers.
- Swedish free schools have increased segregation. Just what we need.
- The Tories themselves can't seem to agree on whether it's a good idea or not.
(Apologies for the length of this, and the lack of hilarious high jinks. Normal service will resume shortly - we'll have end of term tests soon, which always produce some real clangers.)
Lego Funtimes!
I dislike having to teach RE. I particularly dislike having to teach the "learning from" aspects - which seems to just be "read this religious story and talk about how much more important it is than all the other story books written at that time".
So this was what I did instead.
So who's been reading their story books? What classic scene have 7JNL represented here?
I think this one is something to do with palm sunday...
This is God (that's the wizardy looking chap) telling Noah (who luckily already worked in a boatyard) to build an ark.
This is the Buddha, leaving his palace for the first time, and learning that suffering exists. It took this child 50 minutes to make those reins.
Miss (after 30 minutes): "is it really necessary to have reins?"
Millie: "Miss, don't be silly, you can't just jump on a horse and hope he knows where you're going!"
This is Lord Vishnu, sitting on the cobra that floated on the waters that washed upon the shores of nothingness (or alternatively, that washed upon the shores of a yellow piece of sugar paper).
I have genuinely no idea what this is supposed to be. In what religious story do two men on horseback drown the villagers? Answers on a postcard.
I think this might be my favourite. This is Adam and Eve (of course!) after Eve ate the apple (foolish woman). That thing in the background, that looks like a used condom? That's the snake, you filthy minded individual. Who taught you RE?
George, who made the scene above, came up a bit sheepishly towards the end of the lesson.
"Miss, can I ask you something without you getting cross?"
George is one of my favourite children. One of my summer term projects is to work out just what it is about him that I like so much. I'm not certain, but something tells me it's a little strange to be quite so fond of a ginger eleven year old.
"Miss, do you think this is appropriate? It's of when they mated. We done it behind a bush, to be proper like"
"I love it, George, Awesome. What do you think the headteacher would say? Maybe this one is just for us, not for the corridor display?"
So this was what I did instead.
So who's been reading their story books? What classic scene have 7JNL represented here?
I think this one is something to do with palm sunday...
This is God (that's the wizardy looking chap) telling Noah (who luckily already worked in a boatyard) to build an ark.
Miss (after 30 minutes): "is it really necessary to have reins?"
Millie: "Miss, don't be silly, you can't just jump on a horse and hope he knows where you're going!"
This is Lord Vishnu, sitting on the cobra that floated on the waters that washed upon the shores of nothingness (or alternatively, that washed upon the shores of a yellow piece of sugar paper).
I have genuinely no idea what this is supposed to be. In what religious story do two men on horseback drown the villagers? Answers on a postcard.
I think this might be my favourite. This is Adam and Eve (of course!) after Eve ate the apple (foolish woman). That thing in the background, that looks like a used condom? That's the snake, you filthy minded individual. Who taught you RE?
George, who made the scene above, came up a bit sheepishly towards the end of the lesson.
"Miss, can I ask you something without you getting cross?"
George is one of my favourite children. One of my summer term projects is to work out just what it is about him that I like so much. I'm not certain, but something tells me it's a little strange to be quite so fond of a ginger eleven year old.
"Miss, do you think this is appropriate? It's of when they mated. We done it behind a bush, to be proper like"
"I love it, George, Awesome. What do you think the headteacher would say? Maybe this one is just for us, not for the corridor display?"
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